


a recipe for two

by battleshidge (Amiria_Raven)



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Blogger AU, Hinted Mutual Pining, M/M, Pining, also ft. lance the chat spamming extraordinaire, blog follower Keith, food blogger Lance, from a tumblr prompt, ft. Hunk and the Voice of Reason and kermullet, grocery bagger Lance, grocery store au, grocery store customer Keith, kermullet is the key to everything, this was supposed to be a feel-good fic for Megan and it turned into an 8K shitpost, what are tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-13
Updated: 2017-01-13
Packaged: 2018-09-17 07:18:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9311243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amiria_Raven/pseuds/battleshidge
Summary: He wondered, briefly, what the look on Lance’s face would be if he actually did say yes.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Heartfiliadaydream](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heartfiliadaydream/gifts).



> Prompt used: i’m obsessed with a food blogger who writes about cheap ways to be gourmet in your 20s and i flirt with them over comments but they never post pictures of their face and ALSO there’s a really cute grocery bagger at the store down the street who teases me and always asks to join me for dinner and i definitely want to say yes AU
> 
> THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A FEEL GOOD FIC FOR MEGAN AND IT TURNED INTO AN 8K SHITPOST. I swear. But anyway, lots of just...goofy Klance here.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

Keith scrolled down the newest post on _Boi on a Budget_ , smiling to himself.

_Okay, nerds, today I’mma tell you some good shit. Hold onto your underwear, my fellow budgeteers, ‘cause this is L I T._

_Next time you make yourself a pizza, you should save some of the dough for your dessert. Now I know you’re giving me the, “bro, what the actual fuck?” look but you gotta listen to this. I found a recipe for making cinnamon sugar donuts outta your spare dough and I tried it last night and shit’s_ perfect _. So first you’re gonna need…_

Pizza sounded like a plan. Keith skimmed the list of what he’d need for making the cinnamon sugar donuts and was pleasantly surprised to find that he already had everything for it. He didn’t need to add anything to the grocery list he’d compiled after about an hour of tracking down his favorite recipes by Blue.

Blue was a food blogger that Keith had been following for about a year now. At first, he’d been skeptical about him and his claims that his blog would help _eat gourmet in your 20s for cheap_ but in the end, Keith had been pleasantly surprised. Even though the first post Keith had ever read began, _It’s ya boi, Blue!_ and he knew instantly that this food blogger was a living, breathing shitpost that was probably in human form. Maybe.

Keith tapped his pen on the edge of his list for a moment more, scanning the items, and then nodded to himself. He didn’t have much left over after his bills on this check, but he’d make do, and Blue’s recipes and tips were his saving grace.

If he’d done the math correctly, with his local prices, he’d be able to get at least the week’s groceries for under twenty-five dollars. One of the recipes on Blue’s blog would last for three meals, as he knew from experience, and he still had half of what he needed already. And, for the odd day that he didn’t want to spend ages actually cooking, Keith could revert to soup or cereal or the embarrassingly large stash of ramen in his pantry.

With one more glance at the recipe, he moved to click the _Like_ button below and then pushed his chair back.

He knew that if he didn’t convince himself to get up and go to the store _now_ that he’d forget after scrolling through Blue’s blog for another few hours.   And Keith wanted to try that pizza recipe that Blue had explained last week, so the pizza dough cinnamon sugar donuts were a great idea for dessert.

Keith wasn’t usually ambitious with his meals. Until his brother had started nagging him, he’d been more than content to have a sandwich or cereal or ramen or soup or takeout. Or just a handful of chips, which, after Shiro found out, always earned Keith a very disapproving Dad Look. And then he’d linked Blue’s blog to Keith and said that Matt’s sister had recommended it. She was apparently friends with the blogger– _no, Keith was **not** jealous of her_ –and it was one of the things that Katie “Pidge” Holt grudgingly admitted her friend was good at.

Their other friend Hunk  was a better cook, she was apparently adamant about, but the owner of the _Boi on a Budget_ blog was better at doing _cheap_.

And cheap, Keith mused as he thumbed through the handful of bills in his wallet, was the only way he’d survive. With a sigh, he tucked his grocery list into his wallet and his wallet back into his pocket while he shrugged into his coat. He fished his fingerless gloves out of the pocket and started to put them on, making his way towards the door.

* * *

 

Keith glanced between his basket and his list, and only after he was satisfied with the contents did he join a line. He slipped into the shortest, line seven, and shifted his weight as he waited.

And that’s when he heard probably his favorite voice to hear in the store and whipped his head up to stare at the end of the line, where the grocery bagger was bantering easily with some middle-aged woman who was twittering at him. His short brown hair stuck up at odd angles and his smile was wide when he tossed his head back and laughed. Keith didn’t know what she’d said to make him laugh like that, nor did he particularly _care_. He just adored it.

His nametag, which Keith knew by heart, read _Lance_ , and he couldn’t help sneaking peeks at the slightly taller man as he interacted with other people.

Now that he had a suitable distraction, Keith passed through the line more quickly than he wanted to. He would have preferred the opportunity to sneak glances at the attractive bagger for a little bit longer, but perhaps it was for the better that he couldn’t.

The cashier, a big cheery guy whose nametag read _Hunk_ , started sliding his items through the scanner.

“Hey! Find everything alright?” he asked, smile wide and eyes questioning.

“Yeah,” Keith nodded, eyes drifting to the screen that told him his running total. “I knew where most of it was already.”

“Ah, a regular!” he beamed, then added, “Well, there aren’t very many grocery stores in this part of town, so most of our customers are regulars.”

Keith chuckled a little, nodding. “Yeah, that’s true.”

“Dude, are you having _pizza_?!” the voice to his right drew Keith’s attention–how could it not, when it was _Lance_? “Ugh, I’ve been craving it for _ages_ , but I used my pizza dough on something else earlier today!”

“Well, you can always pick more up before you leave work, Lance,” Hunk pointed out, scanning Keith’s last item across and sliding it towards where Lance was bagging them up. “If you’re craving pizza so bad, why’d you use the dough for something else?”

“I found a new recipe, Hunk! And you know I like to try them out before I tell anyone,” Lance whined, deftly situating the three bags. “It’s like, blogger’s honor or some shit like that.”

“Language, Lance, you’re at work,” Hunk scolded halfheartedly.

“Work, schmerk,” he rolled his eyes, and then they widened. “Hey!”

It took Keith a moment to realize that Lance was talking to him, and he recognized the mischievous glint in his eyes. Oh no. This was why Keith was so drawn to the grocery bagger, though he had absolutely no contact with him outside of the store.

“Lookin’ for someone to join you for dinner?” Lance raised his eyebrow suggestively, a smirk lifting one corner of his mouth. “Candlelit dinner for two, delicious homemade pizza, and a wonderful serenade, courtesy of _moi._ ”

 _Yes, fuck yes,_ Keith wanted to say.

“Not really, no,” he deadpanned instead. 

He watched the way Lance’s face fell a little as he fought the flush in his cheeks. Lance was a bit subdued for all of a few seconds, recovering quickly as he let out a dramatic groan. He flopped on the edge of his station and directed a pout that should have been illegal at Keith.

“C’mon, who can resist _this_?” he stuck his lower lip out and widened his eyes almost comically, and Keith still thought it was cute. A bit irritating, sure, but cute. Kind of like the way that Blue posted on his blog.

“I can,” he told Lance instead, but offered him a small grin to show that he appreciated the offer, or that he didn’t mind it. Keith wasn’t exactly sure what point he was trying to get across with his words and actions when all he wanted was to accept and have a cute guy over for dinner.  But having him over meant that Keith had to try to bond in a one-on-one setting, and he wasn’t sure if he could manage that. He wasn’t sure he could even string more than one coherent sentence together in that situation, if he was honest.

Keith wasn’t that bold, though, and he wasn’t convinced that Lance was absolutely sincere, so he held back.

“Lance, stop trying to go home with people,” Hunk scolded teasingly, “you’re not a stray! Anyway, that total comes to twenty-two dollars and fifty-three cents. Would you like to pay with cash or card?”

“Cash,” Keith answered, tugging his single twenty out of his wallet and following it up with three slightly crumpled ones.

“Alright then, that’s twenty-three? Okay, your change is...forty-seven cents and here’s your receipt. Do you want Lance to carry your bags out for you?”

 _Yes_ , he wanted to say again. He always wanted a few more seconds with the slightly obnoxious bagger, if only because he was funny and totally Keith’s type. But he lived close enough that he didn’t bring his car–well, Shiro’s car since Keith had a motorcycle–and it would be pointless to have Lance carry his bags out only to give them back to Keith once they’d exited the store.

“Nah, I’ve got them,” Keith smiled back at Hunk as he took his change–it was hard not to smile at the big guy, after all–and stepped over to take the bags from in front of the still pouting Lance. “Thanks, though!”

“No problem, man!” Hunk waved. “Thanks for shopping at _Altea’s_!”

“I’m going to staaaarve,” Lance groaned dramatically, reaching for Keith as he moved to step away. “You don’t want to leave me to starve, do you? You don’t want me to come haunt you as the sole cause for my death by starvation, do you?”

Keith snorted, lifting his bags. “You’re not going to starve,” he reached forward and prodded Lance’s stomach teasingly with his free hand before he could think better of it, “you’ve barely got any meat on your bones. I’m sure you’d survive on crumbs.”

Lance’s mouth dropped open and a sound of indignation escaped, but Hunk started laughing from behind Keith.

“You are skinny, Lance,” Hunk reasoned through his mirth.

“You’re supposed to be on my side, Hunk, my main man, my bro!” he shot back, and Keith grinned as he made to leave. “Oi, mister mullet man! I’ll let you go this time, but mark my words! Someday you’ll be asking _me_ over for dinner!”

 _Maybe someday_ , Keith allowed himself to muse, raising a hand in silent farewell. Lance called out a belated, “Later!” and then Keith was out of the store, ready to make his way home and start his pizza.

His stomach was starting to make little sounds of protest for the lunch that Keith had accidentally skipped.

* * *

 

 **_Red (samurai013) says:_ ** _okay, I admit it. That budget pizza recipe was really good._

Keith leaned back in his chair, rubbing his stomach lightly with a contented sigh. He’d had one piece more than intended, so his lunch at work tomorrow would be short a slice, but it was worth it. And he could make up for that with one of his donuts, when he got around to making them. He had felt compelled to talk to Blue first, though. Especially since he was waiting on the dough to rise so he could continue following the recipe.

After a few moments, a blip from the blog’s chat application sounded to inform him that Blue was typing back, and Keith grinned.

 **_Blue (budgetb0i) says:_ ** _ha, of course it was! I recced it after all ;)_

With a snort, Keith rolled his shoulders and leaned forward to continue the conversation. A grin tugged at his lips.

 ** _Red (samurai013) says:_** _suuuuure, Blue, we’ll go with that._  
           _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** i beg your pardon ? ! it’s totally because of me that you tried that recipe don’t even lie! But what about the cinnamon sugar donuts you can make from pizza dough, huh?! Have you tried that shit yet cuz it really is the fuckin bomb man_  
_**Red (samurai013) says:** I don’t know, sweets aren’t really my thing._

Sweets really weren’t Keith’s usual type of food, but they did sound good, and if Blue recommended it, he’d be willing to try _anything_. But that didn’t mean he was willing to tell the blogger that he was already making them. 

He didn’t really need to, though. Blue probably knew him best, after Shiro.

 ** _Blue (budgetb0i) says:_** _you’re totally already making them aren’t you_  
            _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** AREN’T YOU YA LYIN HO_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** red ok you’re not really a ho get back here and confess_

Keith rolled his eyes a little at that.

 **_Red (samurai013) says:_ ** _calm down Blue. Jesus. The dough’s rising right now so I’m just waiting around.  
            **Red (samurai013) says:** it’s only a little because of you_

He winced when he sent the message. That was a little too close to admitting his absolute obsession with Blue’s blog.

Keith adored the cheap eats and the recipes and especially the blogger himself, but he didn’t want to seem too eager. That was probably a bit creepy and he didn’t want to be the reason that his favorite lifestyles blog stopped existing.

The chat pinged once, then twice, and then a third time, and Keith turned his attention back to the conversation.

 ** _Blue (budgetb0i) says:_** _only A LOT b/c of me you mean_  
     _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** I’m on to you Red_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** I’M ON TO YOU._

The dramatics were always part of their interactions, but just like the obnoxious way Blue wrote his blog posts, they were something that Keith had gotten used to. And the camaraderie they’d built up because Keith had tentatively messaged a few of his thoughts on the recipes one day had been totally worth it.

 **_Red (samurai013) says:_ ** _keep this up and I won’t tell you what I think of them_

Victory would be his with that statement alone. Blue adored feedback, or at least pretended to in order to keep Keith coming back to the blog.

 ** _Blue (budgetb0i) says:_** _wait! WAIT! I take it all back my buddy my man you gotta tell me what you think of them_  
     _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** it’s cruel and unusual punishment to keep that info away from me_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** how am i supposed to cater to the needs of my stalkers if i don’t know what kinds of recipes they’re looking for_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** you’re my no. 1 correspondant bro_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** red srsly pls_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** red?_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** baby come back_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** you can blame it alllll on meeeee_

Keith stared blankly at the chat for a few minutes, blinking at the last two lines. He firmly ignored the burning in his cheeks and took a few breaths. He had to remind himself that Blue was just being dramatic, just like usual, and he had to try not to be drawn in by it. It was the same procedure he had to go through every time he encountered Lance at the grocery store. Pause, take a deep breath, and make sure not to make it too weird.

He had no way of knowing if Lance _or_ Blue were actually interested in him,   despite the numerous times he’d found himself flirting with Blue or flushing at the thought of Lance.

Finally, he moved his nervous fingers back to the keys.

 ** _Red (samurai013) says:_** _what am I blaming on you?_  
     _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** i’d like to thank god and also jesus that you’re still talking to me_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** also dude_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** bro_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** are you telling me that you didn’t get my reference_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** AGAIN?!_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** how can you live in this day and age and have so little knowledge of these things, red?_  
 _**Red (samurai013) says:** I had more important things to do with my life_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** what can be more important than pop culture and memes?!?!_  
 _**Red (samurai013) says:** Actually having a life._  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** ouch. Harsh, man. And here i was offering you the chance to blame all of our relationshop issues on me. I take that back_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** shit i mean *relationship_  
 _**Red (samurai013) says:** we don’t have a  . _  
_**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** wow_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** i just came here to have fun_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** and i’m honestly feeling so attacked right now_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** you’re right_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** we don’t have one anymore_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** i have ended our relationship_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** you didn’t appreciate me and my memes enough_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** hasta la later, red_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** thanks for the memeries_

Keith stared at the stream of messages in astonishment. He knew at least one of those was a meme–the _I’m honestly feeling so attacked right now_ one–and he was sure that Blue had crammed a few more references in there, but he couldn’t figure them out. Especially not through all of his dramatics.

He wasn’t sure how to respond, and knew that whatever he said, Blue would find a way to complain about more missed references. So he settled on something simple and typed.

 **_Red (samurai013) says:_ ** _you spelled memories wrong_

He was saved–temporarily, at least–from waiting for Blue’s answer when his timer went off in the kitchen. Keith pushed his chair away from his desk and headed in to check on his dessert.

 When he observed how the dough had risen and deemed that it had been an acceptable amount, he pulled up the recipe on his phone and proceeded to follow the rest of the instructions. He spread it out and used the top of a glass to cut out the shape of the donuts, and once that was done he found a shot glass to cut out the donut holes. The recipe had done it a little differently, but Keith was working with what he had.

Replying to Blue slipped his mind for the next twenty or thirty minutes, while he finished cutting the donuts and moved on to frying them, and then moved them from the frying pan into the cinnamon sugar mixture next to him. Working a bit more carefully than he normally would to make sure they were covered completely when he rolled them through the sugar, Keith lost himself in the monotony of cooking.

And somehow, Blue slipped right back into Keith’s train of thought. The blogger was never too far from his thoughts, especially when he was in the kitchen.

Before he’d found _Boi on a Budget_ , Keith hadn’t found any enjoyment in making meals for himself. It was boring, and ramen was quick and easy and he didn’t have to spend as much time making it. Takeout was even easier, but after he’d lost his long term job when the company went out of business– _damn_ Galra Industries and their new _sketchy as fuck, thank you_ tax services–he’d had to tighten his budget.

Shiro’s link to Blue’s blog had been a lifesaver when that had happened. And after trying recipes and reporting back to Blue, the blogger’s excitement had been enough to keep Keith cooking. He was by no means a great cook, of course, but his meals were far more edible now that he was following the simple instructions laid out by the blog.

Blue had saved his life.

Okay, that was probably a bit overdramatic, but sometimes he felt that way. Cheap recipes were hard to come by, but knowing that someone else was in the same boat and actively seeking them out and compiling them in one place made him feel a little better about it.

Keith shook his head, clearing the thoughts of Blue’s blog while he finished the cinnamon sugar coating of the last donut. It was about time to sample his work, and he grinned to himself.

He already knew he’d probably tell Blue they were awful to start with, just to get a rise out of the blogger. His dramatics were mildly amusing, though Keith would never tell him as much. The same could be said of that obnoxiously cute bagger at the grocery store, though Keith would never admit out loud how many times he’d wanted to say _yes_ when Lance had teasingly asked to come home with him for dinner.

He wondered, briefly, what the look on Lance’s face would be if he actually did say yes.

 _Food_ , he reminded himself mentally, shaking his head again and reaching for one of the finished donuts. He contemplated it for a moment before taking a tentative bite, and after a few moments, Keith found himself pleasantly surprised.

He really _wasn’t_ one for sweets, but these were nice. In fact, he snagged another as he made his way back to his computer, munching idly on the first. The sweetness wasn’t overpowering, and the cinnamon was perfect. He had always enjoyed cinnamon twists or cinnamon rolls when he did have pastries or donuts or anything sweet at all, and these were no different except for the fact that he’d made them himself.

Keith had voluntarily made something sweet. Shiro wouldn’t know what to do with himself.

With a laugh, Keith settled back into his chair, reaching to shake his mouse with his free hand. _Boi on a Budget_ popped up, as did the chat box in the bottom corner...where all he could see was a stream of messages from Blue.

“How many messages did you _send_?” Keith asked aloud, incredulously, as he scrolled up to find his last message and continue from there.

 ** _Blue (budgetb0i) says:_** _omfg red_  
            **Blue (budgetb0i) says:** buddy you’ve done it again  
            **Blue (budgetb0i) says:** so many memes and you’ve missed them man  
            **Blue (budgetb0i) says:** how have you stayed so pure???  
            **Blue (budgetb0i) says:** you totally listened to fob, didn’t you???  
            **Blue (budgetb0i) says:** amirite or amirite?  
            **Blue (budgetb0i) says:** reeeeeeeeed  
            **Blue (budgetb0i) says:** red are you ignoring me  
            **Blue (budgetb0i) says:** i swear i won’t tease you anymore  
            **Blue (budgetb0i) says:** well that might be just a tiny lie but i swear i’m not actually making fun of you  
            **Blue (budgetb0i) says:** it’s actually kind of amazing that you’ve lasted so long in this internet and meme-fueled society without being poisoned  
            **Blue (budgetb0i) says:** that’s totally not a compliment  
            **Blue (budgetb0i) says:** not at all  
            **Blue (budgetb0i) says:** REEEEEEEEED WHERE U @  
            **Blue (budgetb0i) says:** forgive me, for i have sinned  
            **Blue (budgetb0i) says:** i have committed the crime of murder by meme  
            **Blue (budgetb0i) says:** memeder  
            **Blue (budgetb0i) says:** ok but srsly the ‘thanks for the memeries’ was a shout out to thnks fr th mmrs by fob  
            **Blue (budgetb0i) says:** please tell me you at least knew that one and are just pretending to ignore me  
            **Blue (budgetb0i) says:** i don’t know what i’d do without you bro  
            **Blue (budgetb0i) says:** there isn’t enough kermullet to save me  
            **Blue (budgetb0i) says:** god i bet you don’t even know what kermullet is  
            **Blue (budgetb0i) says:** well kermullet is really just a thing from my group chat so you prolly wouldn’t be exposed to that memery anyway  
            **Blue (budgetb0i) says:** wait are you offended because...  
            **Blue (budgetb0i) says:**...YOU HAVE A MULLET?  
            **Blue (budgetb0i) says:** it’s the biggest tragedy in the history of hair  
            **Blue (budgetb0i) says:** ‘business in the front, party in the back’ my ass  
            **Blue (budgetb0i) says:** c’mon red, why aren’t you talking to meeeee????  
            **Blue (budgetb0i) says:** omg red do you ACTUALLY have a mullet?  
            **Blue (budgetb0i) says:** the world may never know  
            **Blue (budgetb0i) says:** esp when YOUR PROFILE PIC IS A BIKE  
            **Blue (budgetb0i) says:** you’re one of THOSE huh???  
            **Blue (budgetb0i) says:** but i guess my profile picture is a fuckin cupcake so touche, my friend  
            **Blue (budgetb0i) says:** i’m going to hope you’re not ignoring me and have just gone to make sure you don’t burn down your house or some shit  
            **Blue (budgetb0i) says:** plz dun b mad @ meh  
            **Blue (budgetb0i) says:** it’s ya boi, blue!

Keith stared, flabbergasted, at the spam from Blue. There were probably tons of references that he wasn’t seeing, but at least the Fall Out Boy reference finally clicked. And he was fairly certain he didn’t _want_ to know what kermullet was, if it was in one of Blue’s group chats.

He also didn’t want to admit that he might possibly have a mullet himself. His hair _was_ getting pretty long and he’d taken to pulling it back in a ponytail when he went out, but if he left it down...yeah, it was probably pretty much a mullet. What the hell would Blue say if he actually admitted it?

Yeah, nope, Keith wasn’t about to go there.

But he _did_ need to respond before the blogger continued his outrageous stream of messages.

 ** _Red (samurai013) says:_** _Wow. I was just in the kitchen._  
           _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:**  ASDFLKEKLDF;aldfjoaew;!_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** HE LIVES!_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** i thought i was gonna have to call the police and confess to murder_  
 _**Red (samurai013) says:** Blue it was literally thirty minutes_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:**  IT SEEMED LIKE FOREVER_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** but yo if you’re back that means..._  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** ………………!_  
 _**Red (samurai013) says:**...means what?_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** THAT YOU TRIED THE DONUTS BRO_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** so give me the deets._  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** that perfect cinnamon sugar mix with freshly fried dough, all crystalline and just yUM_  
 _**Red (samurai013) says:** I guess they were okay._  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** “OKAY”?! BLASPHEMY MY MAN_  
 _**Red (samurai013) says:** I may have had two already._  
 _**Red (samurai013) says:** They are pretty good, and since I could make them with leftover dough from the pizza, it really does make them cheap_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:**  THE TRUTH IS OUT_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** SAMURAI RED LOVES THE CHEAP CINNAMON SUGAR DONUT RECIPE CONFIRMED_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** time to make a post about red’s Stamp of Approval™_  
 _**Red (samurai013) says:** Ugh not that again!_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** TOO LATE_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** I HAVE ALREADY BEGUN THE ANNOUNCEMENT_  
 _**Red (samurai013) says:** Blue seriously, it’s the third time this week!_  
 _**Red (samurai013) says:** your followers are going to get tired of random posts about me liking those recipes you know_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** nah, man, this is adding fuel to the fire! testimonies that other ppl like the shit i’m sharing is gold content_  
 _**Red (samurai013) says:** I’m telling you that announcing “RED LIKED ANOTHER ONE OF THE CHEAP RECIPES, BITCHESSSS!” like you did on Tuesday isn’t conducive to getting more followers Blue_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** oh, please, they love that shit_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** charm and charisma babe, that’s all it takes!_  
 _**Red (samurai013) says:** It’s your blog I guess. _  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** just try n stop me ;)_

Keith leaned back with a sigh, reaching up to pat his slightly warm cheeks. The casual _babe_ that Blue had slipped in there had done strange things to his heart and he was trying to shake them. After all, it wasn’t like they knew each other. They just had conversations through the comments and chats on the blogging platform, and the likelihood that Keith would ever meet the man behind _Boi on a Budget_ , no matter how much he’d toyed with the thought, was very slim. Practically nonexistent, especially considering the fact that he didn’t even know Blue’s real name and Blue didn’t know his.

And it was better that way. Having awkward feelings for a food blogger _and_ the obnoxiously adorable bagger at the local grocery store was hard enough when he only knew _one_ of them in person. He could barely imagine knowing _both_.

The computer screen shifted, and he watched the new post appear at the top of Blue’s blog with trepidation.

_YO! Blue back again for another very special announcement!!!_

_Red (@samurai013) has tried–and liked–not only one of the cheap pizza recipes (link here, nerds!), but also the donut recipe I showed you earlier today! And get this–he doesn’t usually like sweet stuff! How rad is that?!_

Only Blue could manage to be so utterly ridiculous with everything he did. And somehow he still hadn’t managed to annoy Keith, which was saying something. Anyone else that was even half as wild as Blue was would immediately earn the cold shoulder from Keith.

Well, except for Lance. But they bantered and teased like friends, and he had to pretend he didn’t have the slightest yearning for actual friendship. Or more.

 ** _Red (samurai013) says:_** _Blue, that’s so over the top it’s ridiculous._  
           _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** you’re just jealous of my flair, red, it’s ok_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** i’ll still love you the same <3_

And there he went again, saying such casually flirtatious things. They made Keith’s heart  flutter and his mind started working in overdrive.

_Was that a friendly <3, or was it actually more? _

_Did Blue <3 everyone he talks to, or is it only me?_

_...Or maybe it doesn’t mean anything. Yeah, that’s it, that’s gotta be it. He’s just being Blue, and Blue does spontaneous emojis all the time._

_Yeah._

_But...was it a friendly <3???_

Keith shook himself and groaned as he dropped his forehead to his desk with a bit more force than intended. Deep breath in, deep breath out, and then focus once more on the chat, where the last words typed were still there, shining innocently on his screen.

 ** _Red (samurai013) says:_** _You’re ridiculous._  
           _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** but you liiiiiiiiike it! ;)_  
 _**Red (samurai013) says:**...maybe a little._  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** HA. _  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** I KNEW I’D GROW ON YOU, RED_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** oh shit i’ve gotta go_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** hasta la later, red!!_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** lemme know if you try another one of these recipes!_  
 _**Red (samurai013) says:** Sure thing._  
 _**Red (samurai013) says:** Later, Blue._

Keith flexed his fingers, leaning away from the keyboard with a grin. Blue was absolutely ridiculous, but he was still one of Keith’s favorite people to talk to, when you excluded Shiro and occasionally his best friend’s little sister, Pidge. And maybe he had to include Lance and his friend Hunk from _Altea’s_ , because he always felt just a little lighter after talking to them.

Blue and Lance were similar, anyway. Maybe that’s part of why he was attracted to both of them. Although it was still a bit of a mystery to him, the way he was attracted to Blue without ever seeing a picture of the food blogger’s face.

But it was fine that way, he told himself. Probably better.

Maybe he’d take up Lance on one of his offers sometime and channel his attentions towards a tangible human being rather than a bright source of energy he could only reach through a food blog. Shiro was always telling him he should go out and meet people more often, after all.

As Keith idly scrolled down a few more recipes on Blue’s blog, he gave the idea of doing something with Lance some serious consideration. He could just see if Lance wanted dinner, maybe? Or a coffee. That was cheaper and would be better on his budget. But actually accepting if Lance ever offered again, or asking the grocery bagger himself, seemed like something that would be hard to do.

Social interactions were hard, especially face to face.

With another groan, Keith grabbed his plate and carried it to the kitchen, looking for ways to distract himself. He wasn’t the type to dwell on things until he was directly faced with them, after all.

* * *

 

Stifling a yawn, Keith stepped up in line and sat his shopping basket on the belt. He ran a hand down his face, fighting back the drowsiness that threatened to take him under where he stood, and stared dully at the groceries in his basket. He tried to run through his mental shopping list, but some details were fuzzy and with a frustrated sigh, he resigned himself to possibly coming back tomorrow for more.

He was thankful that _Altea’s_ was somewhat odd for a grocery store and stayed open until two in the morning. Keith didn’t understand why, and they did only keep one register running after midnight, but if he grabbed his groceries while he was out then _maybe_ he could avoid getting out of his house on his day off tomorrow.

A day of movies and video games was long overdue.

Keith was dragging his hand through his hair, closing his eyes for a moment and telling himself that he could stay awake long enough to put his groceries up, when he heard it. A familiar voice, with all the gusto it had during daylight hours.

“Oh, come _on_ , Hunk!” his eyes snapped towards the end of the line and, sure enough, the familiar brunet was bagging groceries. “You cannot tell me that kermullet isn’t the meme of the century! We need to let the world know!”

“The group chat has enough kermullet for the entire world, Lance, I promise,” Hunk spoke with the tone of a man who had said the same thing time and time again. “You don’t need to share it. Ma’am, would you like your milk in a bag?”

Lance whined piteously as the woman in front of Keith gave her answer–”No, thank you”–and finished bagging her produce, moving to the several cans in front of him.

“ _Huuuuunk_.”

“No, Lance,” Hunk seemed like a very patient guy. At nearly one in the morning, Keith respected that. “Alright, ma’am, your total is going to be fifty-seven dollars and eighty-two cents. Would you like to pay with cash or card?”

Keith zoned out then, eyes following as Lance finished with her groceries and smiled at her–how was he still so bright and happy at such a ridiculous hour? But at the same time, it was really cute. He asked the customer if she wanted him to help with her bags and she refused but thanked him anyway, and she was off. It took Keith a moment to realize that Hunk was speaking to him and starting to scan his stuff.

“...ey, buddy, you okay?” the concern in his voice is what clued Keith in. He groaned and nodded.

“I’m fine, just tired,” he said, rubbing at his eyes. By way of explanation, he offered, “Double shift.”

“Oh, shit, that sucks,” Lance piped up and then, “ _Shit–_ I mean _shoot_ , you didn’t hear me swear, my manager says I’m on my last warning.

Keith snorted and Hunk sighed.

“Well, did you find everything okay? You look really out of it,” the concern was still there. He was a nice guy, Hunk. Keith kind of wished he knew him outside of the grocery store, because then he’d have a kind friend and Shiro would stop nagging him about friends. Hunk was definitely the kind of influence that Shiro would approve of.

“I found everything I remembered,” Keith shrugged. “Probably forgot something.”

“You know what can’t be forgotten?” Lance piped up, leaning over the half-filled bag with a mischievous grin. “ _Kermullet_. I swear to you, my friend, kermullet is the meme of the century, and Hunk doesn’t want me to share it with the world. That’s a crime!” he tossed his arms up dramatically.

 _Kermullet_.

Keith tried to place why that sounded familiar, but his mind was working too slowly and he dismissed it.

Instead, he told Lance, “I would trust Hunk’s judgement, buddy. It seems pretty sound.”

Hunk tried to stifle his laughter and failed, and Lance let out an offended whine. He pointed his finger at Keith and stated, boldly, “I’ll have you know that this is one instance that the infallible Hunk is actually _wrong_!”

“Pointing is rude, Lance,” Hunk reached over and lowered his friend’s outstretched hands. “Now do your job, man. What are you gonna do if Allura comes back around and finds you slacking?”

Lance shook his head and ducked back to his work, muttering, “No, no, _nope_! We’re not giving her _that_ chance! She’s had it out for me for _ages_!” and then, as if for Keith’s benefit, Lance explained, “Allura is my manager. She’s hot but she’s _terrifying_ if she thinks you’re not working hard enough.”

“Alright, that’s the last of it,” Hunk totaled Keith’s basket. “The total is thirty-four seventeen. Cash or card?”

“Card,” Keith answered simply, and when Hunk prompted him, he slid the debit. After a few prompts, Hunk handed him his receipt and Keith moved forward to where Lance had just finished with the bags.

“You know,” Lance mused, handing them over as he gave Keith a hard look, “I think this is the first time I’ve seen your hair down and you might possibly be the first person I’ve ever actually seen with my own eyes that rocks a mullet.”

Keith groaned.

“Oh! Dude! I think your mullet would make kermullet an _instant_ sensation! It’s better than the Billy Ray Cyrus mullet he’s got right now. Whaddaya say?”

“I’m too tired for memes,” Keith sighed, the word _kermullet_ still ringing in his head. Why was it so familiar? Had Lance and Hunk been talking about it some other time and he’d had the misfortune of coming through, or was it just something similar?

“Too tired? For _memes_?!” Lance sounded indignant. “My good sir, what _century_ are you from?”

“Goodnight, Lance,” was the simple response.

Lance groaned, but then waved him off and said, “Night! Get home safe, sleepy head!”

With a noncommittal noise in response, Keith raised a hand and departed.

* * *

 

When he woke up just before nine the next morning, Keith stared blankly at the ceiling.

He had time to sleep in, and the opportunity to do so. He had no responsibilities for the day and could just laze around, playing video games and watching movies and whatever else his heart desired. But he had to wake up, naturally, at nine.

With a groan, he rolled over to shove his face into his pillow as his tired thoughts replayed his trip to the grocery store last night. Several of his thoughts were of Lance’s smile, which had seemed extra bright because of how tired Keith had been, and there were a few fleeting thoughts of what he’d forgotten to pick up. Nothing was so important he had to leave the house today, but there was something keeping him from going back to sleep, and it was something to do with his trip to the grocery store.

After about ten minutes, Keith mumbled profanities under his breath as he gave in and sat up.

“I just want sleep,” he groused, running his hand down his face with far more force than necessary. But he stood and, yawning, went to grab the last two donuts from a few nights previously and turned to his computer.

He hadn’t spoken to Blue in a few days, so maybe he’d do a bit of that today, after trying a new recipe or something.

Keith lazily keyed in his passwords and brought up _Boi on a Budget_ , idly scrolling for a few moments. He found Blue’s enthusiastic post about how Keith had tried another recipe, and continued from there. He rolled his eyes at some of Blue’s boisterous attitude– _come on, bro, this shit is the best. Seriously. If you don’t try this you’re a fuckin’ scrub!_ –and finally settled on a specific taco recipe as the next thing he’d try.

He _thought_ he had all of the ingredients for it already, at least.

And, for once, Keith felt like being generous. He was going to tell Blue _in advance_ which recipe he was trying next.

The chat popped open and Keith scrolled up a little to refresh himself on their last conversation. It was from the night he’d made pizza and donuts, he realized as he munched on the last of the cinnamon sugar treats. It was full of pop culture references and memes and–

_Memes._

**** _Blue (budgetb0i) says:_ _there isn’t enough kermullet to save me  
            Blue (budgetb0i) says: god i bet you don’t even know what kermullet is_

That was it. That was where he’d heard kermullet before. Now it all came rushing back to him–the vague recognition last night, while he was too tired to think about it. The way that _Lance_ , _Altea’s_ grocery bagger _Lance_ , had referenced something that Blue, _Boi on a Budget_ blogger _Blue_ , had mentioned as a _meme from one of his group chats_.

And Hunk had said that no one _outside_ the group chat needed to know, so that meant that _Lance’s_ kermullet was a fairly secret thing. And Blue had implied that his was, as well.

 _Kermullet_.

Keith didn’t know what the fuck kermullet was, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to, but now he had a strange tightness in his chest that wasn’t completely unpleasant. It made him just a bit anxious, but instead of telling Blue that he was trying the taco recipe next, Keith found himself sending an entirely different set of messages.

 **_Red (samurai013) says:_ ** _Blue, this is going to be really random…  
              **Red (samurai013) says:** but I’m pretty sure we live in the same town_

He stared at the messages for a few long moments and then forced himself to get up. If he didn’t, he’d be staring at the chat until he got a response from Blue. And, knowing full well that Lance had probably been working until close at two in the morning, and probably a little after for cleaning, Keith didn’t expect him to respond very quickly. From what he remembered through conversations with Blue, he wasn’t an early riser. Lance seemed like the type that respected the concept of ‘beauty sleep’, so in that respect, they were similar.

 _They were the same_.

But he couldn’t be sure–not yet. So he busied himself with video games until he heard the faint _ding_ of the chat from across the room, nearly three hours later, and he nearly tripped over the corner of his couch in his rush to get back to his computer.

 ** _Blue (budgetb0i) says:_** _dude WHAT_  
            _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** what makes you say that???_  
 _**Red (samurai013) says:** you told me that kermullet was a meme in your group chat_  
 _**Red (samurai013) says:** and last night at the grocery store Altea’s, a bagger named Lance asked me if he could use my mullet for his kermullet meme_  
 _**Red (samurai013) says:** to replace Billy Ray Cyrus_

With a deep breath, Keith closed his eyes and waited. He wanted answers _instantly_ , but he had to be patient. And this was new territory. This was possibly finding out that the food blogger he had a cyber crush on was the same as the grocery bagger that was too fucking cute for his own good.

 _When did I fall so far?_ He asked himself, groaning a little as the chat pinged again. Keith tried to keep himself from looking right away, but he couldn’t. His eyes trailed up and he read.

 ** _Blue (budgetb0i) says:_** _wait_  
            _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** wait a second_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** hoLY SHIT_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** RED_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** RED R U TELLING ME_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** THAT YOU’RE THE HOT GUY WITH THE MULLET_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** wait fuck that’s not what I meant_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** well it is but_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** omfg you really do have a mullet_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** but you’re MULLET MAN_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** i’m having a crisis omfg_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** gimme 10 minutes red_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** i swear i’ll be back_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** i just need to wrap my head around this_  
 _**Red (samurai013) says:** Yeah, sure_  
 _**Red (samurai013) says:** take your time_

 _Hot guy with the mullet_.

Quite possibly the most attractive person Keith had ever met–his older brother aside–had just called him _hot_. Keith had no idea how to handle that information other than trying to take deep breaths and not spontaneously combust. He tried to tell himself it wasn’t a big deal, but that wasn’t working too well.

He just wanted Blue to get back to the computer. Or Lance. Or whatever he was supposed to call him now.

And then he did.

 ** _Blue (budgetb0i) says:_** _okay i’m back_  
            _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** holy shit i can’t believe it_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** duuuuuuude, no wonder i always think about my blog when you’re in Altea’s_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** you’re always buying shit to make the recipes_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** omfg_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** okay but that’s not fair_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** you know my name because i have to wear a nametag_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** why don’t i know yours yet???_  
 _**Red (samurai013) says:** It is pretty crazy_  
 _**Red (samurai013) says:** And also, you never asked for my name_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** but i asked to come over_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** oh my god i’ve flirted with you so much_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** fuck_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** i didn’t mean to say that_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** but y’know like they say..._  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** the cat’s out of the bag???_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** ok please don’t be quiet_  
 _**Red (samurai013) says:** Keith._  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:**???????_  
 _**Red (samurai013) says:** my name_  
 _**Red (samurai013) says:** it’s Keith_  
 _**Red (samurai013) says:** Keith Kogane_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** OH_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** oh my god even your name’s hot_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** FUCK_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** i guess i have nothing to hide anymore i’ve already called you hot like 42 times_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** lance_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** that was stupid you know my first name already_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** but lance. Lance McClain_  
 _**Red (samurai013) says:** Yeah, I know._  
 _**Red (samurai013) says:** Nice to meet you?_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** I can’t believe you’re hot mullet man_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** i can’t believe how much i’ve flirted with you_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** on here AND in altea’s_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** and you’re the same person_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** i’m sorry you can tell me to fuck off if you want_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** i must have been annoying_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** inviting myself over all the time even tho you never said yes_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** omg_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** if you want me to back off i totally will_  
 _**Red (samurai013) says:** Do you want to come over for dinner?_

After sending that message, Keith almost couldn’t believe what he’d done. But Blue was spazzing, and Blue was Lance, and Lance was the cute grocery bagger that always asked to come over for dinner, and Keith really couldn’t help himself. He’d always wanted to say yes when Lance had asked, despite knowing nothing about him except for his first name and the fact that he worked at a grocery store, but he’d always backed down.

Keith rarely put himself out there, but the two people he had been kind of open too lately turned out to be the same person. How could he _not_ take this opportunity?

 ** _Blue (budgetb0i) says:_** _I_  
   _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** omfg_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** yes, yes i do_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** is this real right now?_  
 _**Red (samurai013) says:** Yeah. I mean, if you want to._  
 _**Red (samurai013) says:** I always wanted to say yes_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** i can’t believe this_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** my dreams are literally coming true_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** i’m screaming_  
 _**Red (samurai013) says:** Is 6 okay?_  
 _**Red (samurai013) says:** I’ll meet you at Altea’s_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** YES_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** oh my god yes, i’ll be there_  
 _**Red (samurai013) says:** I’ll see you then_  
 _**Blue (budgetb0i) says:** yeah, see you!!!! <3_

Maybe it wouldn’t work out.

Maybe Blue– _Lance_ –would say no.

Maybe Keith would regret it.

But right now, Keith wanted to give it a shot. And it seemed like maybe, just maybe, Lance felt the same way.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> As usual, you can check out my other fics if you liked this one, and talk to me on tumblr on my Voltron blog [battleshidge](http://battleshidge.tumblr.com) or my main at [panda013](http://panda013.tumblr.com)!
> 
> KERMULLET BELONGS TO A MEMEBER (yes MEMEber) OF THE VOLTRON BIG BANG AND I ASKED PERMISSION TO SHARE THE IDEA OF HIM WITH THE WORLD. <3


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